He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They have beer where we have blood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
