I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
