I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
