I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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