I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
