we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
