i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
