why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
