i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
