I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
