At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How external is "for external use only"?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
