I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
