Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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