Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
