There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
