I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
