I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
