and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
