Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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