bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
