I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
