Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
