i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
