We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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