I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
