it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
