I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
