yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
