I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
