my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
