i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
