summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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