You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
