I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
