Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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