I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
