don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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