But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
