grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
