I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
