The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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