Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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