Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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