I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
