The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
