Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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