Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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