Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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