Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
