I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
