bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
