carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
