I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
